Running backwards I
exit the dark
before entering.
Shivering over
what I could have,
might have done
again and again.
Reverse notions play
in slow motion
near that spot
behind the ears
projecting onto your
barren chest
those thoughts
I should have
made clear
before past intent
became present penance.
exit the dark
before entering.
Shivering over
what I could have,
might have done
again and again.
Reverse notions play
in slow motion
near that spot
behind the ears
projecting onto your
barren chest
those thoughts
I should have
made clear
before past intent
became present penance.
posted by DeeM at 8:03 PM
15 Comments:
this is so clever. this reminds me of those moments when your indecisive in what to do and sometimes literally walking to and from doing something. the first line, the play of words my favorite. its dramatic, intense.
i liked reading this one out loud.
:)
'barren chest', so apt.
'those thoughts
I should have
made clear
before past intent
became present penance.' so true.
thanks lorena, i liked reading this one aloud too. although i think i'd prefer hearing you read it!
gulnaz, TOO true!
Jacob, hey, no fair! haha. that event sounds really great. wish I could go!
If I wasn't sexually frustrated before, I am now after reading that poem. Lol
I really like the sound of this poem as well... there's an inherent rhythm in the flow that speaks beautifully of looking back. very nice! i really like it alot.
DeeMer! This is BRILLIANT! I feel the pang of hesitation seasoned with a dash of regret. And the cadence of this piece is just plain rotten to the core (meaning, I love it!). I love how the words flow and the rhymes create their own space, rhythm and beat. I love reading your site! Miss ya!
j
Oops, I said love 3 times in 3 sentences. Oh well, I'm just in a lovely mood! Plus, I love sounding like a second grader in my posts. Love, j.
Ahh, I am looked upon with favor by fate today, having stumbled upon your poetry site. I have truly enjoyed reading all your poems here. Glad to find another who has a flair for cutting lines as you do (the fluidity of your words I find impressive). My fave piece here is the July 07 poem (for the imagery and the pull at the end). ^_^
Will drop by for more. Till the next sojourn, then.
Ruben, you always make me laugh! thanks!
Stella, it's interesting to me because I never plan a rythm. It just sort of happens. thanks for noticing. :)
Jaxe, I love your comments. I love how you, oh enough of that. Thank you, really.
Avik, I've found my writing has improved with age, of course, and by reading a lot of diverse poetry.
Soulless, as am I now that you have come to my site and seeing yours. Thank you for your kind words, you made my day!
im in agreement with all the others, this is great! a bit scary too!
beats haiku anyday!!!
Neel, see, sometimes good can come from the dark side. :)
Thank you Poison, thanks for visiting!
Geez, Poison, I know. WTF is this damned haiku obsession from bloggers. I F-ING HATE HAIKU's. It could be the stupidest form of poetry ever invented. There. I said it.
Uh Deem. Its been a week, surely your pissed off enough about something to write again, lol! :-p
haha. Haiku = structure = not for me. I have to follow enough rules in life, I'm not following any when it comes to writing.
Yeah, I'm working on it, Jaxe! :)
This is great. You so deftly capture the way which we rewind life in our heads when wish we could have -- or think we should have -- done something differently in our lives.
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