Ill at ease and tired
I start my day
walking in the rain.
I did not wear a sweater,
must have wanted to be cold.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day
on the train.
Crowded with people
taking up too much space,
their shoes squeaking
on the wet ground.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day in vain.
The haziness drenching bodies
from head to toe
leaving a transparent stain.
I start my day
walking in the rain.
I did not wear a sweater,
must have wanted to be cold.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day
on the train.
Crowded with people
taking up too much space,
their shoes squeaking
on the wet ground.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day in vain.
The haziness drenching bodies
from head to toe
leaving a transparent stain.
posted by DeeM at 11:46 AM
9 Comments:
it seems your mood matches the weather or is the weather that influenced your mood. sometimes it's good when they both match.
i like this. i especially like how you end it with bodies leaving transparent stains. i sense the sadness of empty souls walking around. (of course that's just me)
great poem deem :)
i wrote this on the train friday morning going to work. it poured all that day and was my last at the company i worked at for 5 years and i was feeling all kinds of weird. the transparant stain is actually a reference to the hazy sticky wet air, leaving transparant stains on all the people. you are right about the sadness. i kind of felt like the gray weather and wetness was leaving sandess on everyone.
i'm glad you like it. :)
weariness screams out from this poem.
somedays really do start, feeling 'ill at ease', like an uncomfortable shoe.
a transparent stain...an excellent metaphor. really liked it.
i like your uncomfortable shoe metaphor! and damn if my feet dont always hurt! haha. thanks!
I hear you. I know this feeling oh too well every morning on the commute. Thanks for writing about it, too. =)
"must have wanted to be cold" - why do we subconsciously do this to ourselves? Sometimes I'm not happy unless I'm some sort of self-inflicted miserable. The poem made me feel very somber and a bit empty... are our lives only transparent stains? All different shades of grey...
Stella, I know you can relate. :)
Jaxe, sometimes I think so. Yes.
Sorry for your gloom. But you capture the mood so well. Your poetry has a visceral quality to it which really touches me, like it is crawling under my skin.
The repitition of "ill at ease and tired" is striking. Like a mantra of coping.
The last sentence is brilliant. "The haziness drenching bodies from head to toe leaving a transparent stain." Great image. Almost like it speaks of a sin of lifelessness that covers us all just for getting out of bed some days.
Ill at ease and tired
I somehow missed reading this one..is so gentle in it approach..loved reading it
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