I remember that day
in the soccer field, the
cosmos exploding above us.
I've never felt like
that again. Oh
what you did to me.
The day we met,
tunnel vision,
no one else in the room.
The feeling of swirling around
into a twister and being
sucked up into you.
It was at its best because
I knew you felt it too.
I live only to feel that
freakish force of nature
again.
in the soccer field, the
cosmos exploding above us.
I've never felt like
that again. Oh
what you did to me.
The day we met,
tunnel vision,
no one else in the room.
The feeling of swirling around
into a twister and being
sucked up into you.
It was at its best because
I knew you felt it too.
I live only to feel that
freakish force of nature
again.
posted by DeeM at 2:57 PM
6 Comments:
woooow, i love it.
"The feeling of swirling around
into a twister and being
sucked up into you."
i especially liked that! reminded me of this ride and wow i was picturing that image.
"I've never felt like that again."
but maybe you find another feeling that will be something that "you've never felt like that again" again. did that make sense. you know what i mean?
great poem :)
An actual experience? Just wondering.
"The feeling of swirling around
into a twister and being
sucked up into you." Great, unique line.
Two thoughts, would adding an "and" before "it was best" and a "once" before "again" make the flow more narrative? Again, just a thought. The poem is great.
Lorena: It's been close, once since. I felt similar with my experiences in Italy, but not of the love nature. ;)
Anonymous, yes, an actual experience, that i'll never forget. a love at first sight sort of thing. with the 'and' and 'once' i guess its a rythem thing that i can hear in my head but doesn't translate to the written word. I suppose thats why poets like to read allowed. thanks again for your feedback and nice comments! :)
*cries* I yearn for tunnel vision. Just once more, please Lord?
its like when i have seen a really nice dream and i want to go back to sleep and revisit that dream again.
~uses magic powers to create tunnel vision for jaxe~
gulnaz, yes but it's never quite the same after.
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