Youth dribbles
out of me
like water
through a sieve.
I look in the mirror
and observe my mother's
legs, ankles, hands
and lines.
Refusing to see them
like I did
as a child.
A sign. A message
from time.
Now struggling
to survive
so foolishly,
as if I,
could be
the only one alive
who can cheat, defeat
and defy the
true destiny
of life,
to die.

The Calling

I live on this
blinding white island
the shore
slowly eroding.
One by one
they are disappearing,
gone into love.
Take me with you,
I scream into
the salty air.
No Response.
I built a raft
to save myself.
It too sits on the beach
eroding.
I dreamt I had a paddle,
awakening
to a palm
torn apart
by restlessness.
Remember me,
I scream
into the salty air.
Looking to the left
my lips
touch my shoulder.
I bite down hard,
no response.

Running backwards I
exit the dark
before entering.
Shivering over
what I could have,
might have done
again and again.
Reverse notions play
in slow motion
near that spot
behind the ears
projecting onto your
barren chest
those thoughts
I should have
made clear
before past intent
became present penance.

Ill at ease and tired
I start my day
walking in the rain.
I did not wear a sweater,
must have wanted to be cold.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day
on the train.
Crowded with people
taking up too much space,
their shoes squeaking
on the wet ground.
Ill at ease and tired
I start my day in vain.
The haziness drenching bodies
from head to toe
leaving a transparent stain.

I saw this beetle crawling.
Crawling desperately through the trees of grass.
Moving side to side, up... down.
Avoiding some but mostly plowing through
all the obstacles in his path.
He has little or no concept of where he is going.
He doesn’t even know why.
He only feels the need.
And he’d die trying.

I was crawling.
Crawling desperately through the trees.
Moving side to side, up… down
Avoiding some but mostly plowing through
all the obstacles in my path.
I have little or no concept of where I’m going.
I don’t even know why.
I only feel the need.
And I’ll die trying.

I sometimes wish I had only that instinctual need
to plow through this life blindly.
To exhaust myself trying.
And then in one fleeting moment I realize I do.